I was watching the Oprah Winfrey show yesterday..
It touched an extremely extremely sensitive topic..
It was really related to me.. what i go thru when i was young..
How i really felt all these years..
When i watch it, it brought me to tears..
Brings me back the memories of what i have last time..

It touches a sensitive topic on divorce..
Also in regards to how the children will feel when parents divorced..
what makes them think and react in a certain manner..

In the show, they brought reality incident cases of real families and use them as case study..
They also got an expert.. a counsellor in such cases for kids..

Just to side-track abit..
Most of you do not know this..
Bcoz i don't talk bout my family a lot..
But I'm actually from a single parent family..
My parents actually divorced since i was 2 1/2 to 3 years old that time..
So since then, i've lived with my dad for 3 years.. and with my mum for 11 years..
And before and in the midst of my parents divorced..
I've experienced so many things that u all humans can never think of..
Shall not elaborate further.. hahahahah.. but i can share with u if u ask me on msn =)
it doesn't bother me a single bit at all.. hahah

Yup so to go on..
According to the show,
They showed 3 examples..

The 1st, the parents of 2 kids, a boy kris who was 3 then (now 5) and his sister daisy who was 9 (now 11), had their parents divorced..
So what happened was in the end, the mother had abandoned them..
She had left with another guy..
Something happened here..
The mother actually took the kids to meet the man..
Told them that this man can treat her better compared to their father..
As well, she just left them one day without a word..



What happened from this case was, the mum shld not have taken the kids to meet the guy..
The mum was really in a wrong..
She really shld not have said things to the kids like i do not love ur dad anymore..
She shld have at least be with the father, talk to the kids nicely..
And not told them it's their fault..
Make them assure what regardless of what happened, they will get the love from both their parents..
And both parents will meet them as well..

This kind of things happened very often..
Not just in the US.. but even in singapore as well.. Let's say, it's almost everywhere bah..
Where it happened when a couple wants to divorce..
And in the end, the real victim is their kids..
I really dislike such adults.. Extremely irresponsible..
i can only say this.. let's pray that God will touch them bah..

How does this affect the kids?..
It in most cases as what we see here, feel that it's their fault that their parents divorced..
It also make them feel more guilty especially when it comes to when they were begging their parents not to leave, but they still ignore them and leave..
It also caused an extremely deep wound inside of them..
Apparently, it affects their thinking and their future drastically..
It makes them extremely hot tempered in the future..
They will in alot of cases become introvets..
They tend to not be able to express themselves properly..
The only way of them expressing themself is by being angry.. and being really hot tempered..
They will do things to seek attention..
Some will go into fights.. to get beaten as they are guilty..
Some will be drunkards.. to numb the pain
Some will turn to drugs.. to numb the pain also
Some will be prostitudes.. turn to sex as a form of venting it out.. wanting to destroy themselves..
Apparently, alot will suffer from depression..
Eventually, when no one understands them, people avoid them
People will "shoo" from them..
People will think they are just idiots and hopeless people of the society.. Apparently, rejection..

So what should the parents do..
Before divorced, don't quarrel in front of their kids..
As well as say extremely nasty things about each other..
It ruins the image of either parents to the kids..
As parents are the main role models of the kids..
My advice??..
Parents to sit down, talk nicely to kids..
Tell them nicely.. both parents together..
Never badmouth bout the other parent to the kids..
and explain to the kids that it's not their fault..
let the kids know that despite whatever happens, daddy and mummy will be with them and not leave them.. and will still love them and get to see them..
let them know that it's never their fault that the parents are divorcing..
Lastly, ask them how they are feeling..
Not like very striaghtforward to them..
Like when u are doing a certain activity.. something fun.. or at a very oepn discussion..
Not being extremely direct.. this makes the "parent and child barrier" up..
Just talk to them nicely =)
it'll all turn out well..

As for people around such people..
my advice to you..
Just show the extra care and concern for them..
Give them the attention they need..
Also, not to the extend that they want to see u all the time..
There has to be a limit..
Also, in my opinion, talk to such people more..
U'll only get to know their true self when u know them better..
And u can't be fast to judge them as "hot tempered" or "attention seeker"
Put urself in their shoes.. if it happens to you.. how will u feel??
wouldn't it be the same??..
I can confirm this with u.. it's the same thing for me as well..
I was very hot tempered and very attention seeking..
Despite being very good with leading others..
Give them ur extra love as well, make them feel like family..
A family's love is unconditional.. U love them for whoever they are..

So i hope that people out there, can understand more bout such cases..
And also, learn to deal with these.. if lets say u were to experience it urself (choy) or if u were approached to help on such cases..

hope this helps =)
feel free to ask qns..

Labels: Thoughts and Feelings