A few days ago, as I stepped into Jurong Medical Centre, waiting for my turn to be called by the doctor into his consultation room, I knew that I was definitely not going to hear good news from him.

He told me to give up one of my passion, my “precious”. It was something that has played a vital role in my life when I was a young teenager in a Secondary School. I have to give up something that I really love to do, something that I express my thoughts and feelings with, something that is like a part of my blood. Hearing his news is like having a pregnant mother after giving birth to her child that she has to give it up for adoption or hearing that the baby has died. That pain was simply indescribable, something that I personally do not wish to experience once again.

Although at the centre, I had someone with me, but to me, it kind of did not ease the pain inside of me at all. Because it seems to me like no one is going to understand how I feel at all, having being told to give up something that I really love from young. I seriously felt I was alone, with no shoulder to lean on, on one to cry out to, no one to understand how I really felt inside of myself. I ended up putting a brave front in front of her, pretending to be happy, but deep inside, I really feel pain, pain, nothing but just plain pain.

At that time, after been to the centre, we left for Jurong point’s arcade, played a few games. Seriously, it was extremely fun. I managed to let go of my disappointment inside of me, just like for her, releasing her anger as well as she was being angry with someone. It released the agony inside of me temporarily, but deep inside a few hours later, I felt really useless once again.

Badminton has been a part of my life since I was in Primary 6. I officially took it up and devoted myself to mastering it only when I stepped into Secondary 1 in Marsiling. I always told my juniors, one of the reasons behind why I remained in badminton and being so committed to it is because of my seniors, and what lessons it has taught me the past 4 years of growing from being a kid, to a young adult. I dare to say that badminton has not only taught me about the sport itself, it has taught me extremely valuable lessons of teamwork, commitment, discipline, self-respect, respect for others and so many others that it applies to my values of life now and my daily decision making.

To side track a bit, Singaporeans will really find it hard to understand these things, maybe a handful of them will, but maybe not the majority. This is only my personal point of view towards it. It seems from what people tell me and from my observation that Singaporeans nowadays tend to get whatever they want, and being “kiasu”, they will surely do things that will be of their benefit, not something that they’ll want to have a loss on. Singaporeans are having a super good life as well, having whatever they want since being kiddies. As like what a Chinese proverb says “When the food comes, just have to open the mouth, when the clothes comes, just need to raise the hands so that it can be put on for them.”

I have been asking myself, why? Why? Why? Why is this happening to me? I’m just only a young man, age 18 this year, being the age when I’m granted half of my freedom, going through such things already? How miserable can my life be? After going through so many things from young that are things not to be proud of and now, a serious injury and I have to give up my precious because of this? I told myself, “God, You gotta be kidding me bah?”

Last night after service, I was feeling super down. I really wanted to talk to someone whom I trust and someone whom will be willing to listen to me complain to and “emo” to again. I thought of someone who was like right in front of me. Initially, we were supposed to go home together, but at a later time of the night, she smsed me telling me to go home, because she’s going to talk to her mates. I was super enraged. I didn’t know how to react to it. Just that I began to asked myself this question, “Am I being someone irritating?” as I contact her almost every day and very often. I began to question myself of my own existence as well, asking myself about do other people around me find me irritating as well? Since I kind of like ask them how are they doing almost every day. I just wanted someone whom I really trust to talk to, how hard is that?

Now, after finally managing to think through about it and seeking God for an answer, I turned positive. Although this has happened to me, SO WHAT?? It’s not the end of the world. I still have to live on strong and healthy. My main priority now is to recover, get well soon and live my life happily every single day.

As I was typing this halfway, I began to be reminded of something written in the bible. It was about Abraham about to sacrifice Isaac for God. Isaac at that time, is Abraham’s “precious”, and as for the story of it, most Christians will know what happened. It seems like to me, Badminton is my “precious”, and it’s a crucial part in my life that I’ve never really considered to let go of. But now, I have to let go. I told myself this, if I’m able to fully let go of badminton this time, which is my “precious”, I believe that a lot of things in my life will surely go up to the next level. I believe that I’ll be someone who knows how to let go of things, instead of holding onto something that will bring harm to my life in the future. I also believe this, that God will never short-change me. Something might be gone and taken away from me, but I believe that something good is going to happen. Just like after Abraham wanted to give his son as an offering, God blessed Abraham.

Although for my situation is different from Abraham, giving up badminton is for my own good, but in my mind now, I believe that God is a good God. I’ll be fine for sure.

Exodus 24:12
“Come up to the mountains and be there..”
Although I don’t know what’s on the mountain, but I will be there..

I’m going to stay positive about this..
Wish me well people =)

Labels: decisions, Singapore, Thoughts and Feelings