Lately, there has been a lot of things that has been going through in my mind..
So many things that i just wanna take time off..
I wish time would just "S-T-O-P" now..
So that i could just sit down and sought my thoughts now..
I'm trying to find peace inside myself..
But i can't seem to find the spot where i find my peace..

I remember foo kai told me this before..
about him finding a place where he will just go down there to pray..
I want to find that place also..
Where i can not only go down there and seek God..
But somewhere where i can be led by the Spirit to sought my thoughts out..
Somewhere where after coming out of that place..
My mind will be fresh..
I will become a stronger person..

I don't want to just stay at home during my free time..
I should stop my laziness and excuses to stay at home..
I should also go out and explore..
Find somewhere where i can just relaxxxxxxxxx and think...
Staying at home will just waste time..
It's also no gd for health..
Bcoz i'll be staying in my room all day..
Using my computer..
watching anime and surfing the net..

Well, recently, i was promoted to a supervisory position in Box 3..
After working there for almost a year.. I was finally promoted..
But sad to say was.. "sorry.. i'm quitting this job" already..
Well, promote me, but my pay is still the same..
The workload is indeed bigger than last time..
And i got better offers ahead of me just waiting for me to say "yes" or "no" to them..

well.. forget about such stuff..
so sick and tired about talking about it almost everyday..
I just want a break from work.. that's all..

Anyway.. despite a lot of thoughts inside of me..
I still find myself locked up to myself..
Like my feelings inside's being locked up..
i guess i also came to this point to realise that i don't love her anymore le bah..
let her go already..
Reason?? simple.. it's hard to really love someone..
I wonder how God's being able to love everyone unconditionally..
Can i have such love for specific people as well? or am i able to do that to everyone??
It's really hard..
Really really hard..
But.. i'm so gonna try it..
No matter how hard it really is..

Recently, i came upon to realise how much i'm really missing people in singapore..
And i was also wondering..
DO YOU GUYS IN SINGAPORE MISS ME TOO?? =X
Shall not elaborate more bah..
Not gonna get too emotional at a late time like this now..
If not.. i'm gonna have a super hard time sleeping =X
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Anyway, before i end off.. post this pic i took at work the other day.. my 1st day doing my duty as a supervisor.. finally get to wear a tie le =) Cresta, are you proud of me?? Really miss you a lot..
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Reply to tags: (LIKE FINALLY!?!??!)
Yu Ying: No worries.. u already say mah.. i'm a senior.. so as a senior i must send u all my support and care =) take care too eh..

Hweeming: Hahahaha.. You are neither the first nor the last.. so it's ok =)

Kai Li: LOL.. so free ah?? hahahhha... like so emo sadist like that.. HAHAHAHA..

Jr: Thanks.. That's my purpose of having a blog and the purpose of my life.. you are?? jackson is it??

Mengenn Laogong =X : MISS YOU TOO =)

Limei: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA.. changed the info already..

nJ: Jealous ah???!?!?! HAHAHAHA.. Happy V day to you too =)

Kang: Thanks.. Happy Belated Birthday to you btw.. and glad to have ur support =)

Labels: Thoughts and Feelings

Recently, i came to realise that I've been having this problem..
It's hmmm.. how to say leh.. a problem with my mentality..
I came to know this problem when i was working one of the nights..
It's about my mentality towards people around me..
Or the different people whom i see in the street everday..

I came to realise that it's really easy to think negative and find faults in people..
But I never seem to realise people's strengths.. what areas are they good at..

It's like for example.. when i see somene walk past me in the streets..
I will tend to see some fault in them..
like example, in what they are wearing, how they look like etc...
Or when i see someone doing something wrong..
i find myself really really fast to pint-point at their mistake..

It seems to me that this was something that was reallybothering me..
So i began to observe others as well..
And to actual fact.. i realised that almost everyone out there is like me..
I think we all have Pride in us..
that makes us unable to compliment someone else for whatever they've done good..

Well, let's not talk about others..
Before i talk bout others.. i have to reflect on this area on myself first..
I've been lately, trying to find out people around me..
starting with my friends in sch and work..
Learning how to praise them..
Praising people makes them feel good about themself..
And i really want friends who are confident about themself.. at the same time being humble..
It's a lot bettter than having friends with super low self-esteem..
Bcoz i rmb like what pastor kong preached ystd, that Self-esteem is the foundation of our lives..
I don't want to be someone who's critical..
I don't want to be someone who only finds fault in people..
Because that's what the world is about..
I want to be someone who appreciates people around me..
I want to be someone who loves people despite knowing their weaknesses and strengths..
I want to be someone who knows how to praise people and make them feel good =)

This is gonna be really hard for me..
Because, its basically human nature to be someone negative..
If there's no challenge to this.. i don't see a need to perservere on and try my all..
I will be positive.. and I'll stay strong..
God, be there with me.. Remind me..

Labels: Australia, Thoughts and Feelings

Ok guys.. I realised that my blog has TOO MUCH WORDS ALREADY!! hahahhaha..
So i'm gonna colour my blog today with pictures!!!
These were taking during my holiday in Singapore =)

Enjoy =)

First up.. during the holidays.. i accidentally chop off the tip of my finger off and it was wrapped till like this.. hahahha..

And took a pic of her playing pool.. still say never really play before.. in actual fact.. quite good in it somemore.. hahahha.. anyway.. Li Mei.. it has been really nice knowing you.. Thanks for being there for me.. oh ya.. that encouragement that u've sent me.. it's something that changed my thinking a lot lately =) and i've encouraged others with it also..

Thanks for impacting my life this summer.. and thanks for calling me often from singapore to australia just to talk to me, update about urself and asking how am i doing =) Hope to spent more time with you next year =)

That's all guys.. hahaha.. colourful enough?? hehehee...

Happy Valentine's Day People!!!!!! =)

Labels: Australia, Memorable events, Singapore, Thoughts and Feelings

I was chatting with one of my juniors just now..
His name is Mengenn..
And this is a small part of a conver between me and him..
Seriously ah.. he ah.. flatter people until like that =.="
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Benjamin - mada mada dane says:
*i don't like to play with you long

;MENGENN I Love You! its the facts, i cant hide.. says:
*lols. why? u got discourage?

Benjamin - mada mada dane says:
*nope
*just don't like
*bcoz of my playing style

;MENGENN I Love You! its the facts, i cant hide.. says:
*ur playing style? okay ma. especially ur smash, i find it very shuai lo

Benjamin - mada mada dane says:
*LOL
*my smash shuai?
*elaborate more?

;MENGENN I Love You! its the facts, i cant hide.. says:
*er.. when after u smash u will be steady for the next ball, although u cant run fast. then the style that u hit the ball looks quite cool. haha!!

Benjamin - mada mada dane says:
*LOLLLL
*SURE BO?
*HAHAHAHA
*DON'T MAKE ME HIGH SIA!!

;MENGENN I Love You! its the facts, i cant hide.. says:
*really la!!! i lie to u for what?

_________
Mengenn ah, flatter ur senior is no use de =X
Won't give u benefits..
U call me jidan again.. It won't be 35 pumping le..
It's gonna be 70 =)

Labels: Badminton, MSL

"SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM ALL THIS HEAT!!!!
IT'S SO HOT!!!"

It has been a week since i return back to Australia..
And i only have a few words to descibe how things are going on now..
HOT AND BUSY...

The weather is really heating up..
Today is 40 degrees =.=!!!!! T_T
And the past 3 hours when i've woke up, my nose have already bled 3 times!!!
Been gulping down tons of water..
Besides the weather, things are also getting heated up in school..
Everyone seems rather excited about assignment and school..
Even for me.. I feel like i'm on fire now..
Because for this semester, i'm definitely gonna cope really well with school..
All those things that i'm doing in school now, are things that i've already learnt the past few years...
So to me, it seems like it's just doing some major revision..

Well.. not gonna blog much.. still got things to do.. HAHAHA..
see ya people..

This trip back to Singapore has been an extremely fruitful one. I’ve managed to witness and experience things that cannot be understood by anyone unless they’ve also gone through what I’ve gone through as well, having to study and live overseas and returning to my home country for the 1st time in a year.

This feeling seems like something that cannot be explained. It seems to me that I’ve really learnt a lot and have changed. I remember before I left for Australia to further my education 405 days ago on 27th December 2007, I was an extremely ignorant boy, who thought I knew every single thing in the world about survival. But after landing in Australia, I was indeed very wrong.

The past 350 plus days in Australia is like a once in a lifetime experience. It’s something that cannot be understood unless you yourself is placed inside there, going through what people goes through as overseas international, surviving with not much support, especially financially, in a foreign land where people are of different culture and of different skin colour from you.

The main thing this return trip has taught me about is the world “Treasure”. I’ve never really learnt to treasure people and things around me, until I came back this time. I’ve realised that time is really limited; people do have their own lives to carry on as well. People have all already move on, so for myself, it’s not about myself anymore, it’s about everyone around me. It’s not also about the past time when I’ve spent with them that matters, but it’s who we are now, in the future, after we’ve gone through as we enter the next chapter in our life.

To me, after so many years of observation and experience, I’ve came to this conclusion that one will only know how to really treasure and love something, only when they’ve lost it already. Coming over to Australia last time, I’ve given up so many things. I’ve made tons of sacrifices. I’ve made tons of commitment. I’ve lost almost everything, from my freedom to my friendship to even my family. This was the period of time when I’ve decided to make this crucial decision, to really treasure every single one who’s around me, be it they play a big or small part in my life. They may be just people who I come across or talk to only once, they may be friends whom I’ve already know for a long period of time, I’m going to treasure every single minute and second with them.

That was why that when I was in Singapore, I’ll really take time and effort, to really go all out to reach out to all my friends, to spent as much time with them as I can, to help them out as much as I can. I personally feel, that to make up for the past time that I’ve lost, that’s the minimum I can do now to compensate them.

During my trip back to Singapore this time, I must say that my main focus was in a few areas. They are, Badminton in MSL, catching up with all my friends and family, making new friends in my new cell group and also to catch up with people who used to be above my life like my teachers and mentors, making impacts to people’s life from hearing what I have to say to them from my experience while studying overseas, guiding my juniors and to get attached back to God’s house again.

To conclude the 50 days that I’ve spent there, I believe that I’ve accomplished all of them, every single one of them. I must say that it has been a really awesome time to catch up with everyone who was a part of my life before I left for Australia at that time. Like my secondary school friends, badminton mates, school teachers and mentors, church mates and many others. Spending time with them by a simple task of going out for a meal can be something that is unforgettable and extremely meaningful.

During this trip back, I’ve also met many new people who was part of my “new life” in Singapore. I must say that I really thank God that I’ve met every single one of them. They will be people from my badminton team, who are my new juniors, as well as people from my new cell group, N246.

Starting off with my badminton juniors, they are really lovable people. Just that their attitudes really suck at times, this is something that I seriously will not tolerate at all if they are not having the right mindset about going for my training. I remember they used to complain about my training and how strict am I towards them. But at the end of the day before I leave, I’m really glad that they’ve came and thank me for many things, especially about teaching them the skills not only in badminton, but about living life to the fullest potential. As for the seniors who are in the badminton, they’ve all grown up. Their thinking has really become more mature, but they are still as playful as ever. Their passion for badminton was still burning deep within them, and as I played against them, I can sense the frustration they have when they can’t hit the bird over the net. I can sense their excitement in them when they are trying to aim for a more complex shot each time. I remember myself telling Miss Lim, that such things can never be seen and experienced anywhere else, but only inside a secondary school. Because Primary school is still the time when we are all still childish and ignorant, secondary is where we all grow up and go through many things to learn more about growing up, when we go to a higher level, you won’t be able to see such a sight where people and lives started to be moulding again. That’s why I personally really love to see my secondary school juniors and the time as they grown older.

As for my new Cell Group N246, they are a really on fire bunch of people. Interacting with them has really made me feel much closer to God. I remember that when I first came back, I was feeling extremely dry spiritually, but after interacting with this CG, I’ve seen every single one, regardless of what each of them are going through, regardless of how young or how old they are, regardless of what they do for a living, they all have one thing in common, which is, they all really love God and is really on fire for Him. This sight has really been something that motivated me. I felt I became much hungrier for his word and his presence. I used to be someone who’s not easily touched by the presence of God, I do not really will humble myself and cry out to Him when I’m in need, can say that in conclusion, N246 has really made me learn how to remove the veil of pride, learning how to slowly humble myself more before God.

To end, this trip to Singapore is really indeed extremely worth it. 100% worth it. Something that I will like to have gone through once again. But as human beings, we all have to move on, no point staying at this comfort spot forever doing nothing and not wanting to improve and desire for a breakthrough. Because if life is all about staying in the comfort zone, not stepping out of it and not having the believe to move on better each and every day, I will really find it really boring, uninteresting, that I myself will feel tired of living. So let's live life to fullest daily bah =)

Labels: Australia, Badminton, CHC, MSL, Singapore, Thoughts and Feelings