As i sat down in my room..
With closed doors behind me..
Having a very dim table light in front of me..
Playing songs from the album Cross by CHC..
And just having a cup of warm herbal tea beside me..
With my fingers reaching out for the keyboard to type this blog post..
I began to think about a lot of things..
As usual strangely, by the time the clock strikes 1.30am,
I'll start to feel different..

I no longer will feel happy nor excited..
I just began to enter into a different mode..
I will start to think a lot about what i've done..
What i have to do..
How to change..

As i sat down here today, with the perfect atmosphere of reflecting and having thoughts running continuously in my head,
I began to think about my success as i am today..
What made me come this far..
Why is it that i'm able to do so well now and make impacts into people's life..
Depite i'm young, not smart, have no talents, did not do well academically..
I really wonder what made me got until this far..

Although i have a lot of people to thank..
People who i used to see or am still seeing everyday,
who have moulded me into who i am today..
These few nights before i sleep..
And as i alight from the Train at platform 5 at Perth Train station,
walking out of Wellington Street, towards Murray Street and Hay Street finally..
Streaming down along Hay Street to enter 919 Hay Street into Tony Roma's..
I began to remember about the most important perosn who made me who i am today..
Sad to say, He's the one whom i've hurt the most everyday..
The saddest part is despite Him guiding me along for so long..
Even tho i can't see him, but i can hear and feel Him beside me..
I've neglected Him totally..
Abba Father.. Thank You so much for never giving up on me..
I love you..

Yesterday night,
I had a good chat with someone..
That person made me realise how sad it is to really neglect someone..
Or to leave that someone alone..
Or even lying to someone..
Telling him/her that you really love them..
But ur actions does not prove it..
Or you ended up actually deceiving them..
Some things happened unintentionally..
But isn't love something that is unconditional? without a motive?
Anyway, i believe that person shld be reading my blog now bah..
Don't need to feel guilty for telling me those things u told me ystd..
In fact, i'm really glad u told me well..
Bcoz if u were to tell me later.. the consequences will be much worst..
You are forgiven =)

I personally feel that it's time for everyone of us to reflect on ourself..
As today is Mother's Day..
Ask ourselves, what have we done for our mothers?
As teenagers, being in rebellious stage.
Think about how many times have we made our mothers cried?
Think about how much your mum loves you..
Think about your mum, who wakes up early everyday so that she can make breakfast for you..
Think about your mum, who does housework for you everyday and ask you to study instead..
Think about your mum, who got pregnant of you for 9 mths..
Going throught ours of labour pain just to bring you to this world..
Does all these get you thinking??
Thinking about yourself as a kid??

Of course I personally, have done a reflection as well..
I feel that i've really neglect my mum ever since i've moved to Australia..
Bcoz to me, if a women is married, she leaves everyone behind and only to serve her husband..
So i began to feel myself as a burden to her only in Australia..
I began to think about my mum when i was in singapore..
The bad things i did that made her sad..
That made her cry..
As most people didn't know..
I come from a single-parent family and my mum single-handedly raised me and my bro up..
My mum took 23 hours in labour to give birth to me..
From young, my mum has been working day and night to feed us..
I have no choice but to experience pain and was force to grow up..
I used to blame my mother for that.. I hate it..
I always ask myself.. Why is my life so different from others??
Why can't i have a normal family experience? Why can i be like other kids?? Who are normal?
Why can't i have a father, a mother, a brother and myself?? Living together under 1 roof happily
I remember once, my mum almost died before of me..
It was in sept 2006 or 2007 i suppose..
But i made my mum angry the night before..
I yelled at her..
The next day, she almost died at the hospital with a stroke..
From then on.. i really regret..
And today as i'm here typing this post out..
I really Thank God that she's still alive today..
As well as everyone else who's around me..
I thank you guys for being by my side always..
Always being with me thru my ups and downs..
Some even suffering with me.. spending a lot of time with me..
Thank You guys once again for it..

Anyway guys,
Remember to show appreciation to everyone..
Not only your mum..
But trust me..
When u've lost that someone unexpectedly just like that one day..
You'll realise that it's too late..
Just like me and my granny..
I really miss her a lot..
I remember myself crying my heart out during the funeral..
I was with yong gao and yong jian then..
I don't want anyone else around me to go thru what i went thru..
Or neither do i wanna experience such things again..

So guys..
Spread your love and appreciation to everyone today..
Love you all guys =)

Labels: Australia, Singapore, Thoughts and Feelings