I seriously hate it when i saw you crying..
It just makes me end up hating myself..
I was so upset that I made you cry..

Seeing you cry was the most heart breaking thing ever..
Deep down inside myself..
I feel the pain engulfing my heart..
I was just very worried about you..
Seeing you walk away from me,
and suddenly having hear a honk sound coming from where you were..
I was super scared out of my wits..
Immediately I ran towards you..
But i can't see you..
When you gave me the phone call,
All i could do was to tell you off..

As quick as I can, I went towards you..
And raised my voice at you..
Deep down, I really didn't want to
But i was just upset and worried..
Never do it again..

All i could do for you in the end was to give you a big hug..
To be honest, I felt like crying as well..
Seeing you so upset..
I'm sorry to have hurt you..
And all i wanna say now is,
I promise you to the best i can not to see that teary face of yours again..
If you tear, it's tears of joy.. not hurt and anger..

Labels: kokoro idai, Singapore, Thoughts and Feelings

Here I am, sitting on a not so cosy seat, on my way back to Singapore on a Jetstar flight back to Singapore for my summer vacation from my studies here in Perth.

As I sat down, feeling bored, and as usual, being unable to sleep, I’ve decided to pay 10 bucks for the on-flight entertainment. The main reason why I’m really willing to pay for it was because, on the catalogue given by them, states a great aspiring movie, having 4 out of 5 stars by the West Australian Newspaper, titled – Mao’s Last Dancer.

It totally depicts a story way back on the story of a young man, named Li Cunxin, being taken away from his parents and his birth village as a kid, to be sent to an Arts institute in the capital of Beijing, to receive training for ballet. Due to his flat-footedness, he was unable to perform as great comparing to the other ballet dancers in the company. Soon, after working really hard, day and night, willing to endure all those obstacles that are blocking his way, for his achievement, with full courage, and finally, overcoming it in the end. He ended up being a prominent ballet dancer, sent to the USA, trained and against all odds that he faced from the Chinese government, willing to accept excel, he survived the mental and physical turmoil in his life.

The most touching part of this story will be the part where I was able to see him performing in Washington, where his parents, were finally invited, to be VIPS in his dance event. At the end, the emotional part almost made me tear as well, but deep inside my heart, I was so touched by it. Seeing his parents, giving him a hug, and him kneeling down as an atonement towards his parents, for betraying his motherland, that was extremely a roller coaster ride for me. I just didn’t know how to put those exact emotions, as I watched that scene, into words of explanation. I suppose, at the end of the day, it’s all up to one’s emotional attachment towards the movie

In my opinion, that reminded me of myself, being flat-footed, got selected and became a part of Marsiling Secondary School Badminton, worked hard, became the Vice-captain and top doubles player with Hafiz in MSL. To me, watching Mao’s Last Dancer just gave me a flashback of my past.

So will I recommend this movie to people, DEFINITELY =)

Labels: Movie

The past 2 hours has been a turmoil for myself..
I started to feel stressed up..
I just want to let go of everything
I've been having too much mixed feelings within myself..
Something inside myself has been telling me not to go back to Singapore..
And i began to see no reasons to return..
I started to feel that it's time for me to be all about myself..
For once.. I'm going to be selfish..
I was just thinking that..
I've been too nice to everyone the past few years..
I want to do things that i want to do..
I just want to sit down somewhere, where there is no one..
To relax..
I want to do things not for the sake of other people..
But for the sake of myself..

I just feel like as tho..
I'm going back to singapore this time for the sake of other people..
Deep down inside myself..
I want some rest..
Some good rest..
I don't want to cook..
I don't want to serve..
I want to be served..

And lately, in regards to cooking..
I've quarreled with my mother..
I've agreed to cook for my dad for his birthday next week..
But to be honest.. I just want to show him how much of my life has he missed out..
I want him to feel bad..
But now, i don't want to do that..
I want to show him that my mum sending me to Australia to chase after those dreams were all worth while..
That my love and passion for food will touched him and wake him up one day..
I don't want to use food to destroy people..
I want to use it to spread love..

For all those who are reading this..
I'm sure u'll be disappointed in me after reading this..
But i really sincerely hope that u all can understand my situation..
Ben needs some time off for himself..
Ben is a human being as well..
He needs rest..
He needs love, care and concern..
He needs acceptance..
Just like every human being..
And seriously..
If people are going to stop being friends with me bcoz of this..
Leave if u want to..
For to me, i know that i'm being true to myself..

Labels: Australia, ranting, Singapore, Thoughts and Feelings

12 December 2009, Saturday
JQ 109 (Jetstar)
Departing Perth at 0020 hrs
Arriving Singapore Terminal 2 0540 hrs..

See you guys there =)

Labels: Australia, Singapore