3 weeks since i've blogged..
Probably i've been too busy with too many things in my life recently bah..
As usual of Ben,
I'm going to blog today is bcoz i want to share a few of my thoughts in my head..
Things that have been bothering me the past few weeks as well..

The past few days, i felt like as tho my brain has jammed..
Like as tho there has been things stuck inside that's preventing information from entering my brain to the "processing" area where the nerves are..
Also, I must say that I'm finally feeling the tension and heat from things around me..
Having to cope with so many things
1) Classes
2) Tons of Assignments and more coming
3) Exams
4) Student Waiter of the Year Competition
5) Working 2 full days a week..

I must say that i feel extremely stretched..
I feel tired always at the end of the day..
But somehow, i just feel fulfilling and satisfied inside of me..
And recently, i just feel home sick..
I'm missing singapore extremely badly..
I miss my friends there..
I miss the freedom i have over there..
And i miss the church that i spent my teenage years at..

Somehow lately, I'm beginning to tell myself this..
THANK GOD I'M SINGLE..
It seems to me that as the years go by..
My mindset about relationship seems to have changed drastically..
I'm beginning to feel that there's no need for a relationship at all..
The feeling of being tied down and having to be there for someone,
when you're not even able to have time for yourself to rest..
It's just horrible..
I personally feel that i'm someone who wants to run free and wild..
I want to have fun and "flirt" around..
I honestly do feel that i really enjoy the company of women..
Especially women older than me..
Because somehow i just find them very attractive..
Not like those young school girls who just thinks for themselves all the time.. (oops, stereotyping =X )

I remeber that there was a period of time,
when i would be 'desperate' to having an urge..
To have a "taste" of how being in a relationship feels like..
But now i must say..
I don't want to be tied down to those commitments..
Maybe Shini was right??
I just haven't met the "right one" yet..
In actual fact, as i type this out..
I really agree with her..
Talking to Shini is always so enlightening =)

Recently I must say,
that i feel like i have an extremely big burden to carry..
Must be because of all the high hopes and expectations that my lecturers are pinning on me..
I must say that all of them have high hopes for my performance in the Waitering Competition..
And i must say that all of them have high hopes for my studies as well..
I always wonder, is there a "politically correct" way to respond when someone praises you??
It's like recently, when someone praised me for something..
All i said was "orh.. thanks"
Which i'm not sure whether was i being rude or not..
Because i've been remembering that my teachers used to say that i'm not smart..
I only know how to talk and crap around..
And i only know how to play badminton and not study..
But now in TAFE, my lecturers have all acknowledge me..
Outside, i feel like "aiyah.. whatever"
But deep inside myself.. I feel extremely happy..
I feel very proud of myself..
And trust me, i will not disappoint my lecturers and my classmates..
Who are giving me their 100% support for things i do =)

Recently, at times..
As i sat down alone and think..
I began to feel damn scared..
Like a sudden gust of fear engulfing my heart and mind..
I will start to shake..
I remember that it's a memory of what i have when i was young..
It will always start from something and lead to another and ending with the same thing always..
Not gonna elaborate here any more..
Because i'm too busy and gotta rush my assignments =)
But if you guys wanna know..
Just ask me on msn..
I will reply u and tell you about it..
Hopefully you'll be able to help me overcome this prob??

Labels: Australia, decisions, Random, school life, Singapore, Thoughts and Feelings