Hey guys, finally time to update my blog once again..
and yup, it's gonna be full of long boring words again..

Anyway, last week is a super horrible week for me..
Full of nothing but negatives..
Not gonna go in detailed into them..
Bcoz, i'm not a negative idiot who gets super depressed over bad things..
LIKE WHAT WEISHAN THINKS I AM.. =.="

1) Driving Test
F-A-I-L-E-D!!!
Failed beautifully with almost an accident occuring near Carousel.. LOL..
I was day dreaming and almost bang the car coming from the right at a roundabout..
So it was my fault.. immediate failure..
Anyway.. Thank God that i failed..
Morale of the story!!!
DON'T EVER DREAM WHEN YOU DRIVE!!! HAHAHAHAHA..
And from this.. i'm ready for my next test =)

2) Coffee Making Comp
Well, the lectureres did not give us any further details about it at all..
So i did not took part in it..
Waste of my brain cells to think about how to improve my mocha..
But positively, i feel that since my mocha is better now..
It'll attract more customers to order it.. HOPEFULLY!! =)

3) Job Offers
ALL GONE!!
Either someone else took over my position bcoz of my hesitation..
Or it was bcoz i was not a PR, and they did not wanna hire internationals bcoz of the trouble..
BUT!! it means, i can try out for other places like Burswood..
Hope that they'll take me in as a waiter =)
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Last one... It's one which got me down until today..
I've spoken to Youlong and Alan about this problem..
Their reply to me: REST!!!
Alan told me that i've got a BURNOUT
Which means i'm too tired already..

SO WHAT IN THE WORLD EXACTLY HAPPENED TO BENBEN??
Last sunday, i was at South Lake for Pennants..
And when i was playing matches against Shaun..
I was so desperate to defeat him..
In my head, was nth but to win and defeat him..
But in the end, i lost to him not only in singles, but doubles and mixed doubles as well..
It was indeed a super BIG BLOW for me..
Not bcoz i lost..
It was bcoz.. I began thinking that badminton is just a weekly routine for me..
Just like having to eat, drink, go toilet and bath..
I began to feel no joy from it at all..
Seems like to me, it's just something that i must do.. not something i want to do..
I began to impose no joy in playing badminton at all

I was watching "Prince of Tennis", last ep of the Nationals..
Ryoma opened the last gate was bcoz, he remembered the first feeling he had when he started tennis..
Nanjirou mentioned that everyone can surely reach that stage..
It was when i got this thought came to my mind..
What was it like when i first played badminton?? Was it fun??
What were the memories of that time?? How was it like??
Can i actually tell myself this? "BADMINTON IS FUN RIGHT??"

And the answers to all these qns?
First time playing badminton for me was just for fun/leisure in Qihua Primary..
I was the team manager.. i only took up competitive badminton in Sec 1 in MSL..
Those were the only memories of what i can remember.. Those days in MSL..
I remember that i was the weakest link.. Always getting the team punished for running too slow
I was often jeered and laughed at by my seniors for being slow and lousy..
They even gave me the name "MSL TURTLE".. Bcoz, i was slow and i looked like one then..
But those days in MSL badminton when i first started out was fun!!!..
REALLY REALLY FUN!!
Those memories were so great that i'll never forget about it..
Because, it was where i build my foundation towards badminton..
I remember everyone, always wanting to compete to become the first in C division..
We were all having this goal.. To one day, go 2nd round.. to be the best in MSL..
Those days were really fun indeed.. Unforgetable..
Those were days full of laughter, smiles, anger, tears, sweat and sometimes blood..
But it was good.. so good that i'm aware that i kept on repeating stuff.. that's how gd it is!!
I remember telling myself this before.. 5 years ago in 2004, when i first started..
"BADMINTON IS SO FUN!!", "I LOVE BADMINTON!!"
But now.. I can't bring myself to say it anymore..

WHERE ARE YOU!!! MY LOVE AND PASSION FOR BADMINTON!!!
WHERE ARE YOU!! COME OUT COME OUT WHEREVER YOU ARE!!
DON'T HIDE FROM ME ANYMORE!! IT'S TOO PAINFUL FOR ME TO FIND YOU!!

This pain of losing badminton..
Reminded me of the same degree when i was rejected by those girls many years ago..
The aftermath of it especially.. Too much to bear..
Too painful.. hope that i'll find that love for it once again soon..
Wish me all the best yeah??
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Anyway, i still owe people out there a few post
1) Loving kids is not giving them what they want..
2) What is friendship?? What does it mean?
3) Youlong's holiday to perth =)

Well people.. it's time for me to sleep..
Having doctor's appointment for checkup for my back in 6 hours time..
Hope everything will be well eh =)
And i'll be recommended to a good specialist for treatment
Good night people.. bye bye

Labels: Australia, Badminton, decisions, health, Thoughts and Feelings